Well it's official. I've made up my mind 100% that I am moving to Boca in 2 weeks. I can't believe what an emotional struggle I had to get through to wrap my brain around the idea of leaving st. pete, my boyfriend of 4 years, and school (which I was absolutely loving, especially now that I got all of the math classes out of the way) It's just difficult for me to imagine myself without this situation that I've been living with for so long. I talked to my dad yesterday, and he asked me if I was excited. I honestly don't feel excited yet. I am nervous more than anything. Yes, the situation between my boyfriend & I wasn't the greatest. No affection/love/etc, but we are great friends who care about each other and laugh all of the time. I just can't see us ever getting to the point where we could spend our lives together. Maybe that will change someday, but we'll never know unless I take this amazing opportunity to make my own life better, to stand on my own two feet, and to put myself through nursing school. I need to do this for myself, so that I can have respect for the person I am, instead of feeling like I'm just going through the motions everyday. I need to have a life of my own. I don't think things are great here, if they were, I'd stay. If Justin & I were amazing together, none of the other stuff would matter. Which is why I moved out here in the beginning. It didn't matter that none of my family or friends were out here. But when things started to go downhill (3 yrs ago) and our relationship died down quite a bit, I was alone more than ever. It's hard to explain something so personal. I'll really miss Justin & I know he loves me. But maybe this way he'll appreciate what we had together and who knows what the future holds. I know I am doing the right thing by leaving, but this is the most difficult thing I've ever had to do. It's bad enough that I have to leave my boyfriend, my school & friends I've made there, a possible career w/photography, but I'm leaving my dog, and the apartment I paid a lot of $ to fill with things we picked out together. Shower curtains, the giant clock on the wall, signs, artwork, bedding, etc. Justin paid for the furniture & I wouldn't have anywhere to put it anyway (I'm moving in w/my sister & brother in law for a couple of months) so I'm not taking anything big. I'm only taking my personal belongings and my cat. James has been w/me for almost 5 years now, and I can't imagine leaving him anywhere. The dog loves Justin way more and he's just such a handful. There's no way I'd be able to get into a new apartment with him. I packed boxes yesterday, & I'll be packing today as well. Giving all of my old clothes to my mom to bring to church for her sunday school kids. I'll write more later. I need to get another cup of coffee. Soul searching really drains a girl, let me tell you.
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